Earlier today, something popped in my head that hasn’t for a while, but regardless has always annoyed the shit out of me.
Why the fuck do local bands feel the need to have a manager? I can understand if you can pull like 10,000 people to a show or the “manager” as uber huge ties to Century Media or some shit but for the smaller bands I have met quite a few over the years that have a manager. Not a friend helping out, not a family member financing everything (equally annoying), but no. A full blown stranger coming in with his “experience” (lack of employment in 10 years) and trying to run the show.
Most of the time I posed the question to them: “Why have a manager?”….Here’s a list of responses.
“He/she finds us shows and talks to the venues so we don’t have to”…Ok, so they’re a booking agent. Isn’t half of your band unemployed or underemployed with access to a phone and/or internet?
“They promote us in key areas and create fliers for us”….So now they’re a promoter. Wait…these fliers were made in Paint. I guess it is a pretty complicated program to use…..
“They help to manage our funds and keep everything financially in line”….Ok this is just a lie. Everyone knows local bands don’t get paid manageable amounts of cash, if any at all. Someone’s pants are on fire….
“When we need help organizing a song or to schedule practices they are always giving their input”….That’s just fucking annoying. You gave the peanut gallery a title, good thinking.
Finally, my personal favorite, “I don’t fucking know”…..This is the smartest answer I’ve ever gotten.
Point is, bands, you don’t need a fucking manager. You really don’t. You have 3-5 (hopefully) able-bodied people that can do everything a “manager” can do for you and probably in a much more efficient manner more toward the advancement of what your band desires. For you “managers” out there, 90% of you that I have met have been pretentious fucking snots riding on the coat-tails of bands since you have no talent of your own. I seriously witnessed a friend of mine be told what to do and how to do it by some fuck-witted “manager” at a TRYOUT. He seriously never even let said friend try to integrate into the band or have input in any way, shape, or form. He just attempted to tell him how to play and when friend couldn’t decipher the horrible non-musician lingo he was insulted by the “manager”.
If your band feels so high and mighty to forgo what has essentially become a rite of passage in a music scene, ie doing the grunt work of establishing your band until you hopefully get signed, that you HAVE to have a manager you probably need to rethink your music career and the lack of humility you express. Humility is the strongest tool a band and much more a person can have and you probably should have figured that the fuck out by now.
“And I’m giving you to the count of ten to come out here and prove I’m wrong. One….”